During the past month, I’ve had several queries about personal information,
as in, how much should be revealed within the confines of the workplace?
Consider this—you are the parent of a driving teenager, a challenge that
post teen parents will empathize with you on. Your son has been practicing
his independence with the car, his responsibilities on the home front, and
in general, he’s being a royal twit.
You aren’t getting enough sleep—you are worried; you’ve even had a call from
the police that your former pride and joy has recently been picked up for
drag racing during rush hour; and your neighbors are grumbling about the
level of noise generated from his side of the house with windows wide open.
You aren’t a happy camper, and for that matter, either are your son and the
rest of the family.
What do you do? Bite your tongue, ground the kid until voting age . . . and
share your exacerbation with coworkers? Is there a difference in what men
say in the workplace than what women say to each other?
You bet, and for women, it can ruin a career. For years, men have been
dinged for not sharing personal information about themselves, their
families, and their fill-in-the-blank.
Women rarely feel hesitant to share and confide personal fears, concerns,
hopes and aspirations to . . . anyone and at anytime!
Most likely, if you are a male, you probably won’t say anything at work
about the latest escapades of your son.
If you have an after-work activity—sports or a workout—you might, and I say
might, confide in your partner that your son is acting out and raising hell
at home.
You may issue ultimatums to him, but creating a running banner with your
colleagues and friends is unlikely.
The Big Deal
Now, let’s switch genders. Women enjoy talking about their kids—the good and
the bad. It’s being part of the club of womanhood/motherhood. If you are a
female, everyone at work will know the intimate details of what he’s done
this time.
You may even lace your commentary with a few, “I don’t know how these
parents of teenagers make it through . . . I’m at my wits end from non-sleep
and counter-fighting all the time. Joining the military is beginning to
sound good to me.”
As others nod their heads in agreement, you may be thinking, so what? What’s
the big deal if I share what goes on at my house?
The big deal is that the word spreads. Let’s say you are being considered
for a major promotion—something that has been a true career goal for you.
You are on the short list and know that a decision will be made within the
next two weeks. You are also willing to admit that your primarily competitor
for the position is as equally talented as you are.
You want this position, but deep down, know that if either of you gets it,
the company will be in good shape.
The big day comes and the position does not have your name attached to it.
In fact, the office grapevine questions whether you will be able to make it
through the teen years; that the last thing that you need is another
responsibility added to your shoulders.
After all, you did say that you were at your wits end and that you didn’t
know how parents got through these years—didn’t you?
Personal Strategies
It’s a smart career move to have some rules about what you share and what
you don’t share in your workplace. Start with:
Personal Problems—we all have them, some to a greater degree than others.
Unless it’s a major health issue or something that directly effects your
work, it’s best to strongly filter what you bring into the workplace and
divulge to and with others.
Previous Mistakes—everyone makes mistakes—mini ones and major ones. If it’s
behind you, it’s in the past. What did you learn, what can you use, and do
you really need to tell the workplace world that you created a major
disaster for an employer three jobs ago?
Money Issues—the economy is tough for many right now with the cutbacks and
shutdowns. But, is this the time to grumble and complain about the level of
Holiday debt you created or how the car payment is pushing you toward
bankruptcy?
If money really is a problem, contact a group such as Consumer Credit
Counseling Service for help in getting back on track.
Personal Confidences—if someone tells you something in confidence, it’s
supposed to be retain in confidence—at least, that’s the usually assumption
that women carry.
It is so easy to share information casually. Women routinely connect with
others this way, men don’t. A word to the wise: if you don’t want it
repeated, don’t say it.
So, I’m with the guys: don’t be so open to everyone, everything. There is a
time and place for divulging personal information. Across the water cooler,
in the cafeteria or just in general chatter is usually not the appropriate
playground.
# # #
© 2001-2005 The Briles Group, Inc. All
Rights Reserved.
Dr. Judith Briles is a Denver based award winning author, keynote speaker
and consultant. Her books, The Confidence Factor, Woman to Woman 2000:
Becoming Sabotage Savvy in the New Millennium, Money Smarts and
Zapping Conflict in the Workplace have all won business awards. Dr.
Briles website is www.Briles.com
and blog at
http://DrJBriles.blogspot.com. She can be reached at 800-594-0800
or e-mailed at Judith@Briles.com.
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